dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
