my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
