I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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