i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
