Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
