sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
