That's when you crack a 10am beer
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
