I am puke
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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