i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You don't make any sense
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