My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
