Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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