She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think i got beer on your cat.
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