Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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