wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize