she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
