The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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