he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
