the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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