The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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