How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
