I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
