all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
