This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
