Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
