The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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