I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
