i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Couch. On fire.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
