Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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