There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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