Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
