i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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