quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
