i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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