Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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