am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
