Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize