Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize