just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
