So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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