So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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