I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
