I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize