how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
