You're my little dorito
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
