I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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