you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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