the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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