She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
