It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
