dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Holy sore nipples Batman
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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