he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you traded sex for a burrito?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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