he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
