i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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