can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
