just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize