i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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