I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
