dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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