.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
