If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
