He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
