i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
