It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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