Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
