And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
