it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
