i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
