exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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