none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize