He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
